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Daelyn Rice is broken beyond repair and after a string of botched suicide attempts she’s determined to get her death right She starts visiting a website for “completers”— www through the lightcomWhile she’s on the site Daelyn blogs about her life uncovering a history of bullying that goes back to kindergarten When she’s not on the Web Daelyn’s at her private school where she’s known as the freak who doesn’t talkThen a boy named Santana begins to sit with her after school while she’s waiting to for her parents to pick her up Even though she’s made it clear that she wants to be left alone Santana won’t give up And it’s too late for Daelyn to be letting people into her life isn't it?National Book Award finalist Julie Anne Peters shines a light on how bullying can push young people to the very edge


10 thoughts on “By The Time You Read This I'll Be Dead

  1. says:

    STOPthis is the second part of a conversation about this book i got caris' sloppy seconds to read the first part please click hereCaris Maybe it was just your personality Perhaps you're just not the type of dude who gets bullied You know badassery and whatnot I certainly cave on this point The book was unbelievable Both the website and Santana were only there to keep the girl from killing herself Of course all books do this It seems that the bar is just set lower for teen fiction This is one of those cases as are most of the books I've read recently where the plot of the book insults the intelligence of the reader Teenagers are dumb didn't you hear? It's funny and logical that you bring up 13 Reasons Why Over the past few days I've come to realize that I like this book so much because of how much I hated Asher's book I fucking hated 13 Reasons Why The message killed me Compare for a moment Hannah's complaints and Daelyn's Best ass in school vs assaulted in the bathroom Flirted with her vs made fun of her weight The playing field is not level Hannah killed herself for everyday shit At least Daelyn's shit was painful enough to warrant her choice I didn't like that Asher led the reader to believe that its reasonable to think one could kill oneself for the reasons Hannah did Peters' character at least suffered a life that as you say seems unusually harsh In conclusion Jay Asher can suck it But tell me go ahead and try that you didn't love the fact that Daelyn was going to kill herself and successfully this time by putting a cinder block on her face in the bathtubkaren pff i wasn't always this badass and i never saw anyone else getting bullied and i was one of those people who had a number of different social circles student council and marching band and everything in between so i sort of spanned the whole school like greg's mom and i didn't really hear much of it only one major sexual assault and if she had given me the names they would have been finished with their sexual careers okay maybe i was a little badass so i am thinking that in rhode island we just know how to treat people roger williams taught us well and all that no i don't know i'm older than you right?? maybe it is a generation thing although i don't think i am THAT much older maybe it's the heat?? when i took a class called violence compassion and justice in undergrad they taught us that violent crimes take place in the south than the north and in the summer than the winter in the north but it's a dry heat i wasn't in love with the asher book either but at least i was interested as a reader in where it was going i wanted to know what the narrator had done to get into the tapes and i was hoping she would eventually have a good reason for doing what she did that rachel girl's review of that book is amazing check it out this book not only was i not interested in the characters the plot itself was boooooring do it kill yourself and get it over with don't wait for A FRIGGING WEBSITE to give you permission what was that all about i am really determined to kill myself but the website told me to wait ugh and as far as the sexual assault goes i mean it wasn't anything they are ever going to make a law and order episode about some boys got a little gropey i mean yes it was totally out of line and had it happened to me there would have been conseuences but in order to impress a reader with the magnitude of an assault i think she could have gone stronger boob grabbing and panty pulling down is not that bad on the spectrum of sexual assault and that is what pisses me off because there is good teen fiction out there this just isn't it but it is popular maybe this is like the baby version of john grisham or something upsetting but unchallenging true a thumbs up for the cinder block at least it was original but really how hard is it to take some pills? in the blender?Caris Did you think at any point that Daelyn was going to kill herself? Or that Clay was guilty of anything? I don't think I agree with you on the sexual assault thing An attack like that is about power and domination Did they rape her? No But they did shove her into a secluded area fondle her drag her out from underneath a bathroom stall where she hits her head in the process and attempt to pull her underwear off When I think of the specifics I feel ill On a large enough spectrum there's always something worse But it's personal isn't it? It's awful because it happened to her not because it's worse than something that happened to someone elsekaren ah and there's the problem i have real trouble experiencing emotional connections with characters in books and movies which is why i rarely cry at movies i can never get past the idea of them as constructs so if i knew someone this had happened to or if i heard a news story it would be one thing but as far as it happening to a character i can only think of it in terms of effectiveness to the reader or plausibility i don't lack affect in real life just in books n' stuffCaris FYI it would have been relevant to this conversation to mention that your last name was Bateman Oh man your experience must've been even worse than mine With that variety of literature induced sociopathy I would have been completely lost in both books I can say without reservation that if you can't identify with Daelyn then this book sucks ass No wonder you've exhibited no sympathy whatsoever for these poor deaddying kids That poses a uniue sort of problem though doesn't it? I've found that every single one of the books I've read for class has relied on that emotional connection to draw the reader in I've never tried to distance myself from the story as to do so would make me have to actually pay attention to that drivel When you read then you always reuire a solid effective plot Perhaps it's just because my expectations have gotten so low but I'm glad I can stick with the emotional manipulation Going back to the uestions I posed to you that you didn't answer they wasn't rhetorical I'd like you to answer them Now than ever Those uestions which originally were based on the characters' emotional states now are based on plot Did you think at any point that Daelyn was going to kill herself? Or that Clay was guilty of anything?karen sorry sorry fever makes me overlook tiny uestions no i never thought she would actually kill herself even just reading the copy you know that she will be redeemed through santana and given a reason to blah blah blah that's why there is no reason to read the book just read the flap and you get all you need to know as for clay well i was hoping i was hoping he had done something that was small but led to something big and he wasn't even aware of it something anything no matter how innocently it was done otherwise it is pure cruelty on her part to make him wait for his turn on all the tapes for nothing off to workCaris Seems like fever might be something you should stay home from work for? I made a point to not read the flaps I started that at the beginning and didn't want to read any of my assigned books So now I just start reading them without having any idea what they might be about Leviathan and Watersmeet have been genuine surprises That's just bad flap editing in my opinion I didn't think even for a second that Clay had done anything wrong He was too nice He got along with his mother and was well liked by classmates On top of that he liked Hannah It was a poor setup for a huge letdown Daelyn though I felt strongly that she would survive had a chance I had 13 Reasons Why in mind and thought to myself that if that moron could do it this moron's got to be able tokaren sure but plenty of people on her list hadn't done anything wrong whatsherface slapped her because she thought hannah had slept with her boyfriend that is a stupid reason to kill yourself clay could have done something accidentally especially since he believed the rumors about her promiscuity and they intimidated him all it would have took would be him going i heard you were very experienced please be gentle with me and she could have gone apeshit and slit her wrists right there in the midst of a makeout session she was a loose cannon who could predict her responses?? i have to come to work because today is a school day and if i had skipped today it would have been a nightmare i barely remember today because there were so many books all i did was blur through the mall in a fever but now i get to talk teen fiction for this and other related books and then i can go home and finish solarisCaris That's true Hannah was a bit off which is interesting than Daelyn's victim complex I had a hard time seeing Hannah as a character as she manifested herself in those cassette tapes She was of a poltergeist The thought that keeps coming back to me is how insulting these books are to their intended audience When I compare it to something I really liked such as Nick and Norah's Infinite Playlist it almost seems pointless because there is no real comparison Here we have books that capitalize on shock suicide and don't really allow the reader to connect with the characters on multiple levels Sure you can share in Clay's bafflement or Daelyn's reaction to bullying but they're not characters that stay with you That's a big problem I think as these books rely on voice and character development to be memorable But I only remember them because they sucked In Nick and Norah which I consider to be the best piece of teen fiction I've ever read the reader is exposed to real life An uber cool real life but real life nonetheless There's self doubt and pain misunderstandings and relationship development In these suicide books death is almost a character I don't like that they all try to reach the reader in a lovely bones guest on Oprah kind of way It's lame How are teenagers supposed to enjoy good fiction when they're constantly barraged by sparkly fucking vampires and stupid girls killing themselves I've only recently jumped into this urine filled kiddie pool and I already want to stopkaren ha she was a poltergeist and i kept wondering how she made the tapes did she write everything out beforehand and then read from a script? how did she keep everything straight in her head so calmly facing the destruction of her person? why didn't she ever fumble over her words or cry or do anything human? her tone was so bitchy and snarky she doesn't strike me as a victim as someone who wouldn't just fight her way out of her problems clay seemed likely to kill himself mr nice guy doormat chasing after the broken girls there was a guy on the class last night who had struggled with depression before and he said he could really relate to the way daelyn thought shrug i have been depressed too but at least i was interesting when i was depressed i did not say this in class because i am not an asshole but teacher didn't like that book either although she said she liked the last third but that she may have been forcing herself i never read nick and norah but i saw the movie is it similar in tone and all? don't give up on teen fiction suddenly i am an advocate having just finished marcelo in the real world i can assure you it gets better and are you the one who tried and gave up on hunger games?? if so i don't know that book is very good it's not all vampires and wrist slitting i also enjoyed feed oh and that teenage survival series those are pretty fun it does get better and if anything else turns up on my reading list that makes me think of you i will tell you Caris Script? Psh That girl was just organized Her emotions were so jacked up that she was able to get her message across in an inhumanly organized and well paced manner Those things were what made her believable see? Nick and Norah is similar to the movie but different It's better I haven't tried the Hunger Games though I have been assigned to read the third ? book for class I need a break from teen fiction I need to see other people


  2. says:

    BY THE TIME YOU READ THIS I’LL BE DEAD tore my insides raw As I read I screamed I cried I threw the book across the room I apologized and cradled it delicately in my hands I also chuckled and fell in love with the characters flawed as they all are Julie Anne Peters is nearly unmatched when it comes to writing about difficult taboo controversial and absolutely necessary subjects and her latest book is a terrifying masterpiece that deserves to find its way into everyone’s handsDaelyn is not an easily likable protagonist I hope to God that very few of us out there can actually understand where she is coming from a dark and frightening world so terrorized so beaten so loveless that for her suicide is a form of salvation And yet as she slowly reveals to us her bullied past we invariably find ourselves at once within her shocked into silence at what we experience being her and at her side emotionally invested in attempting to give her hope It’s a powerful duality of readers’ position that only the most skilled of novelists can achieveAnd indeed Julie Anne Peters’ incredible writing skills are brilliantly showcased in this book Daelyn’s voice is cynical and snarky without being overwhelmingly pity inducing Peters’ prose is short to the point and lyrically sweet Sometimes succinctness is the greatest form of powerI can’t end this review without pointing out how absolutely lovely Santana is—but I’ll let you find that out for yourself Needless to say I wish I could place a copy of this book into the hands of everyone between the ages of 12 and 18 Perhaps if everyone were allowed this candid look into Daelyn’s hurt bullying and suicide—bullycide—would be hopefully less of a terrifyingly real problem


  3. says:

    Teen suicide Not an easy subject to think or talk about This book tells the story of Daelyn She's 15 and determined to die this time Yes you read correctlyshe's tried to kill herself before and failed This time she knows it will work A victim of bullies she can't face life any She thinks everyone will be happier without her One day after school she meets Santana and things start to look a little different but is it too late?As a mother of a child who was bullied and talked about suicide because of it this book was very difficult for me to read It really struck a nerve with me because it is such an accurate account of what really goes on in our kids' mind I recommend this book to anyone with a child


  4. says:

    I think that some of the reviews on here are a little biased seeing as some of you reading this book don't understand that type of pain Daelyn was in before she offed herself I read this book a while ago when I was still in high school and it was so beautifully painful for me I was the new girl who underwent bullying along with personal tragedies my sopho year I ended up in an institution for having suicidal tendencies and characteristics And yes at one point I planned out my death I remember being in so much pain but only inside Daelyn was being torn to shreds by the pain and she was willing to go to any lengths to stop it Suicide is not a way to stop life but to stop pain There is no lack of character depth with Daelyn She's exactly what she is A girl in agonizing pain There is nothing to that She doesn't do anything besides read and sit at her computer because there is nothing else she is capable of doing with that state of mind I love the way she was portrayed It is truly like that When you're bullied and broken you don't let people close not even for a moment Yes there is always doubt in your mind even when people follow through with suicide they were doubting it at one point For people to say that the author did not give her much of a personality or did not make her as complex as she should have been you don't understand her then There is so much to her than just what the author lets on This book is obviously targeted to a specific group of readers so for someone to say that Daelyn wasn't right on or the perfect portrayal of pain then they obviously haven't been in that same place Personally I enjoyed it Except for the blatant lack of needed attention that her parents showed her I know that makes things a thousand times worse Overall it was a pretty accurate book in the category of suffering


  5. says:

    This book ticked me off than any I've read since My Sister's Keeper Just like Picoult's book this novel slapped me in the face at the end and negated whatever positive experience I might have gained from itBy the Time You Read This could have been a good book It was fast moving and compulsively readable Then I got to the end and literally said out loud What the hell? Without giving too much away I'll say this Cliffhangers can be effective literary devices when done well Mentally dropping the reader off the cliff however just frustrates It makes me feel like the author or editor or publisher is just too lazy or too uncommitted to write a resolution Don't get me invested in characters and then not even tell me what bloody happensIn terms of subject matter it would be virtually impossible not to compare this novel to Jay Asher's 13 Reasons Why Both discuss an important issue in today's youth in a creative way Asher blows Peters out of the park by being much realistic and also giving the reader a satisfying if somewhat sad denouement And while I could relate to Daelyn in some ways than Asher's Heather I felt 13 Reasons Why better demonstrated the complexity of emotions in a suicidal person Bottom line this book is not worth your time unless you want to throw it across the room when you're done which was unfortunately not an option for me since I read it on my Kindle


  6. says:

    While I'm glad that books like this one are out there to encourage teens to seek help and find reasons to go on rather that committing suicide I'm still not a huge fan of suicideself harm stories especially when they try so hard to be dark that it just comes across as overdramatic I found myself liking Santana as a character much than Daelyn who spends most of her time hanging around on a bizarre pro suicide website why do such things exist? Why don't the police try to get a handle on them the way they started doing with the pro anorexia websites? and instead of coming across as an easy character to sympathize with she came across as one of those emo kids from my old high school who obsessed over all this stuff Make no mistake the subject matter itself is nothing to trivialize Daelyn was bullied for being overweight as a kid and it's something lots of other kids in the real world face every day I remember when I was in elementary school the two overweight students in my class were routinely taunted with the chanted nicknames fatty fatty boombalatty and oinker and harassed in phys ed class Such jokes have never been funny and I'm glad this book addresses the harm that bullying can do That said I didn't like the way Daelyn initially treated Santana or her parents and it was difficult to really connect with her as a character simply because she hardly seemed like a real person Instead of showing readers what it's like to be a suicidal teen there's a lot of preachy first person monologues that tell you what Daelyn's life has been like but don't really get you to feel anything for her Much like Thirteen Reasons Why's main character Daelyn is one of those characters who you want to feel sorry for but can't help thinking that they're being a bit selfish I don't mean selfish in that Daelyn should have endured the bullying or tried harder to be happy but selfish in that she apparently knew all too well what it feels like to be alone and yet still she treats Santana badly whether it be ignoring him outright or wanting him to just go away never even considering the fact that his life has actually been worse than hers and he's only trying to help I think it would have been easier to relate to her as a character if she wasn't so depressing that she was treating other people rudely What's that saying misery loves company?


  7. says:

    Daelyn has been demeaned bullied tortured and almost raped through her years in school For some reason the teachers and principals always believe the other students making her feel further bullied Daelyn was overweight most of her life and that was the main fodder for the bullies but not all She tried to make her parents listen but they just passed it off as kids being kids Her mom went on diets with her saying it would be fun and her father would sneak food to her at night She was sent to fat camp where they were tortured with emotional abuse and physical exercise beyond their limits She final went home when a boy died But that was before She has made a few attempts to take her life and failed The last attempt pouring bleach and ammonia down her throat only resulted in a burned stomach lining and collapsed esophagus She has to wear a heavy neck brace can't talk and all her food has to be pureed She doesn't realize that she's become a frail skinny looking girl And that she's prettyDaelyn flies under the radar It's what keeps her safe and how she plans to slip from this world without anyone knowing her plans Her father monitors her computer so she can't get on suicide websites But she finds one that he can't trace and there she begins her countdown Twenty four days But a boy begins sitting on the bench with her while she waits for her parents to get her from school and he worms himself into her life without her permission Next thing she knows she's staying at his house because she can't be trusted to stay at home alone and her parents both have meetings when there's a half day of school Despite the fact that Daelyn can't talk Santana talks a lot asking lots of uestions She writes some answers down Others she ignores Then she finds out something about Santana that seems to make her think She doesn't stop her countdown but one day in chorus she did it as a joke a mean girl elbows her and a teacher moves her to a different section In a way he sticks up for her And she ends up standing by the overweight girl And she's nice to the girl and the girl starts chatting to her and sits with her in another class Daelyn even writes a joke about the mean girl to the overweight girl and they laugh in chorus But she's not supposed to be making friends She's supposed to be letting go of everythingDaelyn is not a pitiful character The neck thing gets to me but that's a personal thing She's strong in her decision to end her life She isn't blaming anyone She blames herself She doesn't believe in God because he was never there for her before And she really thinks her parents will be better off without her She doesn't take her medicine that was seeming to work She really is strongly convinced that suicide is the answer The website is not one that talks you into doing it It ask uestions that make you think about your choices It makes you wait those twenty four days It asks if you've thought of this and that Have you decided how where Have you decided who will find you etc But asks deeper uestions like who will become you after you're gone Daelyn keys in no one but can't help but think of the overweight girl in chorus Tougher uestions comeThe author does a great job of portraying a girl in the depths of depression There is no feeling An absolute absence of any emotion Inside is dead That's how Daelyn is for most of the book until Santana starts to stir feelings in her She's a sympathetic character She doesn't whine about her life Maybe because she can't feel She just lays it out in flashbacks in black and white She doesn't even seem to hate the people that were so cruel to her She can't feel even that emotion But Santana is hard to ignore He's loud with bleached blond hair and colored tips and he seems to appear out of nowhere And like I said he talks a lotI can't say I enjoyed this book because I don't enjoy reading about suicide But this was a very well written book on bullying its effects on the victims and suicide It addressed a very tough subject with integrity People that attempt suicide aren't doing it for attention They're doing it to say Hey I NEED HELP They should be treated with respect and kindness and understanding Not like a freak a criminal or a burden They should get help because the next time probably won't be an attemptNow there is no clear ending to the novel The author lets you decide for yourself what you think Daelyn did on the last day I know what she did and I have my proof to back it up But some others might see it differently But be it bullying or suicide this novel is a great lesson on both


  8. says:

    25bought at the book fair mibf2015 view spoilerOkay Maybe I am rating this one so low but I guess It just didn't hit me that hardI've read loads of stuff like this tackling bullying and suicidal tendencies of youngsters and there are a few which really stood out unfortunately this one didn'tI just found it cliched for one because the narration of Daelyn's story and experiences sounded as if she's looking at the situation shallowly and as if she isn't problematic at all It wasn't really clarified if she attempted to kill herself because of her past problems or if she has new onesYes she talks about her obesity issues and the tragic fate she had at fat camp But look she even gets skinny at the end to the point that Santana hits on her See? The problem of this book is having poor character development and being uite heavy on dialogues Daelyn became a poor character with low self esteem She seemed weak and dumb enough to follow tips from the internet on how to end her life I just don't get why people nowadays dwell on popularity and stuff online as if that's gonna last and make you a star what? like Paris Hilton or Kim Kardashian? Go ahead and post some nudes I kind of felt bad because it should've tackled a lot of teenage issues and could've helped teenagers going through a rough time being teenagersAll this time I felt like I was there listening to how problematic Daelyn's life is in my head and she just can't think of any other ways to relieve herself of her problems aside from ending her life Maybe if she tried to look at other aspects of her life she could've succeeded and got over her issues with herself and her parentsAnd there goes the other problem The character of her parents in this book AAAAAHI CAN GO ON ALL DAY POINTING OUT WHAT LET ME DOWN IN THIS BOOK SRSLY hide spoiler


  9. says:

    This book was hard but at the same time it was so enthralling Reading so openly about bullying and a parasuicidal kid made my stomach into a knot but I couldn't keep my eyes off the book until I was finished with it It is short but at the same time it feels so long Not because it's boring but because the topics it talked about felt so important maybe? I'm not sure what's the right word for it I'm not sure there's a right word for itIf you enjoyed Willow by Julia Hoban this is definitely a book for you even though the books by themselves have little in common In these pages you will read about the hopeless desperation of a girl the angish in her parents and about a hesitating sweet and sad love story Until you reach the ending Which I had to read at least three times to make sure I had completely understood it Or did I?


  10. says:

    I thought that it was a good book to show how drasticly people react to things like being called names and being made fun of I feel like the people in this book actually exist Although I really liked this book there was a reason for me giving it four stars She gave up She was a hard character to get at the beginning because I haven't had to deal with characters before but by the end of the book I viewed her as a heroine and she died She Just Gave Up I really liked her character and wish that in the end she didn't dieEvery book that I've read has had some sort of happy ending Ever since I was little Oh she got her prince' or The evil witch died and the people in the kingdom lived happily ever after In real life happily ever after is so hard to achieve that I don't think it has happened to anyone Although when adults read those magic stories to you they made you think that everything was going to be all right when in the back of their mind they know isn't true That's why those five and six year old girls think that by the time that they turn sixteen they will be married to a handsome prince and live in a pink castleThis book was my first realization into what can happen to people that are your best friends or just some random person you pass in the hall on your way to class The way that she died and the information in the back of the book really opened my eyes to what can happen I told my mom what this book was about and she shooshed me because the topic that it's on is too too I don't even know I am thoroughly surprised that they kept it on the summer reading listRecently a boy that I knew attempted to commit suicide and ended up getting put in a medically induced coma A week and a half later he died and the teachers couldn't even talk to us about it I think that they think if they talk about it then we will do it that's not true Although I don't understand why this boy would go suicidal because his family was so kind and nice he still tried I know that this isn't really a review of the book but it goes along with the message that the author was trying to send to its readersThis book was an eye opener and I suggest it to anyone and everyoneJust want to say something to the parents of that boyI can't even imagine the pain that you went through and you're still going through The pain of losing one child at seventeen months is enough to even attempt to handle but to lose your fourteen year old too is just too much to bare I just want you to know that I feel so bad and the memory of him will go on forever because he was so kind and helpful to everyone He cared enough to set up a toy drive at Christmas because he didn't want anyone to go without a presentFly high Always missed never forgotten