PDF Ksenia Anske ð I Chose to Die Siren Suicides #1 PDF ↠ Chose to Die ð

On a rainy September morning that just so happens to be her sixteenth birthday Ailen Bright a chicken legged straw haired teenager decides to commit suicide via drowning in the family bathtub The ornate marble tub adhering to her abusive father's love for anything expensive and Italian is decorated by five sirens who seemingly help her escape the house when her father breaks down the bathroom door After an almost successful suicide attempt number two which lands her at the bottom of a lake she learns that sirens are in fact real and they want to turn her into one of them An amazing yet dark look into the mind and heart of a suicidal teenager this urban fantasy follows Ailen's struggle to figure out the meaning of life the unraveling of her confusing feelings for her theatrically goofy best friend Hunter and her desperate battle for her father's love


10 thoughts on “I Chose to Die Siren Suicides #1

  1. says:

    The premise of this story is anti suicide However the fantasy in this fiction ruins a lot of the empathy factorAilen Bright is naive resentful and self destructive She's the epitome of teenage angst and we meet her at her darkest hour she decides suicide is her best option in the face of an abusive misogynist father and a mother who killed herself and left Ailen alone with him The only silver lining is Ailen's best friend Hunter and her inanimate siren sisters who decorate the bathtub she plans to drown inThe story deconstructs the foolishness of choosing suicide It's an intense experience watching Ailen struggle with the conseuences of her choice It's even frightening how she escapes into internal fantasies of siren sisters to avoid the reality of her lifeBut that leads you only through the first few chaptersThe siren mythology becomes the dominant aspect of the story See the sirens are actually real and they want to help Ailen This is when the narrative transforms into this actionadventure involving siren hunters and magic losing the majority of the introspection it had before I'm told what to think and feel as Ailen runs around indecisively the focus of everyone's attention as she whines and mopes about not being loved She doesn't get the opportunity to develop or mature because all her bad decisions are wiped clean which leads me to believe that if there was no supernatural intervention this would be a far far darker story The later parts of the novel are groan worthy I'd go as far as to say every character loses their depth for the sake of an archetype hero villain love interest fairy godmother etc The only reason this is part of a trilogy is because nothing is answered except that Ailen isn't dead her final decision of an unwilling circumstance rather than a true character turning point It's less about anti suicide and about wish fulfillment


  2. says:

    I chose to die is the first novel by Ksenia Anske and definitely piues my interest in regards to the rest of this series and her other work That said I think I can easily say that this book has four aspects for me that I enjoy in varying degrees 1 The concept The idea that is the foundation of the Siren Suicides is downright brilliant A young girl makes a rash decision and the result is that something that she daydreamed about becomes a reality when she becomes a siren The process isn't pleasant to say the least and Ailen Bright has gone through a ton of things in her search for making sense of her life How she becomes a siren and what being a siren entails is a refreshing take and a good slice of fiction that was a treat to read 2 The story arc A strong start a hit or miss middle and a hurried finale left me curious to see what happens but I can't say I was fully satisfied as a reader I think Anske could have offered a better resolution rather than a tie in for her next book and the last two chapters felt a bit rushed for me When Ksenia takes her time to describe something and reveal a new concept bit by bit great things happen When her hands are trying to keep up with a story bursting forth some pages feel as if they could have benefitted from a little marination Like I said though it's a strong start and it shows that when she hits her stride good things happen on a page 3 Characters Another mixed bag Ailen and her transformation take off when you're riding on descriptions and her internal monologue Hunter is a bit of an odd character Canosa has moments when I love her and moments where I can't really see her intentions Finally Papa Bright is an intensely dislikable Ailen consistently refers to him as Papa and having seen Stranger Things recently I can easily say that anyone called Papa is going to be awful Papa and his Maserati and his fancy shoes is an awful antagonist that is pretty much instantly hatable There's A lot to dislike there and he consistently delivers 4 The dialogue The only aspect that was miss than hit for me was the dialogue Often times I was engaged with the descriptions but was knocked out of it with dialogue that at least for me missed the mark I know Ailen is a teenager that's gone through a lot of things but she kept stumbling back to the same thought patterns that would bite her in the tail The dynamic between her and HunterCanosaPapa was not consistent and you were only sure that she was in Hunter's graces that her father hated her and that Canosa was so on and off that you'd wonder if she were real That said I still enjoyed the book even though it took me a while to read and I will be reading work from the author If you want a different take on fiction with a great concept check this out Even with its flaws it has something to enjoy


  3. says:

    I have somewhat of a love hate relationship with this book Ksenia Anske definitely has some talent She can write beautifully descriptive scenes and has created uniue characters with a storyline that felt new and different However too heavy of descriptions weighed down the plot making this book tough to get throughAilen Bright is a rather damaged character Her mother is gone her father is abusive and she doesn’t want to live any I thought Anske handled Ailen’s depression and her feelings about committing suicide well I understood her thought process and why Ailen makes most of the choices she does However she’s a little uirky when it comes to what things she thinks internally and what she decides to say aloud She makes a number of comments aloud that I thought would have been likely for her to have just internalized Also I didn’t like how she jumped back and forth between trusting Hunter and not trusting him She seemed a little too wishy washy about that I do commend her however for taking on the serious themes that are in this book and exploring them honestlyThere is some beautiful imagery in this book; I particularly love how the souls were described as sounds Anske displays some true talent with her writing However while the imagery was well written there was way too much of it I feel like large chunks of detail could have been cut without affecting the storyline At one point they were driving through town and there was so much detail it felt like I was being given directions it was just unnecessary The excessive imagery makes parts of the book feel drawn out and overall the pacing feels off There’s lots of action but every action is drawn out with heavy imagery taking away from itIf you’re the type of person who loves lyrical prose and enjoys detailed scenes I would highly recommend this book For me I will definitely be keeping an eye out for Anske but this particular book didn’t suck me in the way I wanted it to To read of Lauryn April's Reviews go to


  4. says:

    When Ailen tries to commit suicide in her father’s siren decorated bathtub she wakes up in a world where those sirens are real It’s all a near death experience a mere hallucination or so she thinks—until she runs away from home and attempts suicide again selling her soul in return for becoming a sister sirenI wasn’t sure if this was going to be a fantasy book or a social issues book It’s a blend of both really This was a deliciously dark read and I was hooked from the beginning The description is fantastic particularly that of the sirens in the bathtub and I can really get into Ailen’s shoes Ailen often thinks of the world in numbers calculating durations and distances and memorizing every number associated with her birthI’ve read several books with abusive parents but they always seemed two dimensional and over the top Here for the most part it was well done—it felt real as if I were Ailen being slapped and yelled at Later on however the father felt less real two dimensional almost in a comic way which was not the ideaAll being said and done I agree that it could still use some tightening and occasionally the prose is a bit choppy I wasn’t a huge fan of the ending—it felt like something was missing and I wasn’t satisfied by Ailen’s character growth After a certain point around the 60% mark I was no longer as absorbed as I had been at the beginningThis book gets a solid 4 the first half was a 5 and the second half was a 3


  5. says:

    Copy provided in exchange for an honest reviewOn the brink of death I want to live like never beforeThis book follows Ailen a 16 year old who is not happy with life Since making the decision to commit suicide her life is thrown upside down and she starts uncovering things along the way I wasn't a fan of her character most of the time How she reacts to her father I wanted to slap some sense into her At times she had the backbone I crave in a main character but most of the time it was nowhere to be seen And that made me madI absolutely DESPISE her father He is paychotic and the worst type of human being imaginable He disgusted me to put it bluntlyI loved the illustrations at the top of each chapter Only thing I have to say about that is that they were sort of spoilers If you don't mind knowing what happens in the chapter then it isn't much to think about But for me I would've liked mysteryI saw uite a few things coming which didn't make it enjoyable for me I also felt this book to be a little out of control It just seemed everywhere and sadly I didn't really get anything out of it There are too many unanswered uestions so I shall continue reading the next two


  6. says:

    I was lucky enough to read Siren Suicides' second draft back when it was one big volume The majority of the warts had been eliminated at this point I re read the final releaseMost criticism for this book is in regard to the writing Yes it is florid and yes it is almost disorienting in the gold release It should be It really helps set the tone for this undead world in which Ailen exists Ethereal and dreamlike and sadI think Anske hit the nail on the head by choosing to employ such language for this type of a book Wouldn't work with another type of YA fare say The Hunger Games where the action is stark uick and brutal Yes Siren Suicides is brutal at times but this milieu needs a penning that is slower providing for the reader to chew on This form is perfect for this kind of setting


  7. says:

    I was introduced to Siren Suicides about the same time I met the author via Google I was privileged enough to start reading while she was still writing it The evolution from one book to a trilogy has been exciting to watchI have enjoyed the story of the main character as I have never read a book uite like this The story line is original and moves at a good pace Looking forward to finishing Book#2 and starting Book#3


  8. says:

    It all starts with a death wish hope for paternal love and Ailen wanting to get revenge on her father for what he did to her and her mom Ailen Bright was the daughter that was supposed to be a son She was the woman who was a weak creature needing to be controlled lest she decide to charm off men’s pants and make them do stupid crap according to her fatherAilen turns into a Siren the embodiment of an otherworldly thing that feeds off men’s souls but she is not alone in this world She was created by the Siren of Canosa and the three underling Sirens Pisinoe Ligeia and Teles They hunt for souls and are hunted themselves by Siren Hunters Will Ailen learn to accept who she is? Will she be able to accept the life she jumped out of?My ReviewI hold a special place in my reader’s bookshelf for Ksenia Anske I have read Rosehead and Irkadura and I know she is a special person and a special writer The Siren Suicides was written as a three part book as Ksenia pointed out at a live reading because it was too long to be one book The point being that a reader cannot simply read one book but needs to read the entire series as if it is one lengthy novel This review then is of the entire three part seriesThere were so many aspects of the Siren Suicides that I loved that it’s difficult to even start writing a review I’m in awe of Anske’s talent as a writer I always wanted a writer like Neil Gaiman who would write something I wanted to read something with the sympathies of a plot and characters on the verge of reality that could hold my attention even while the author’s imagination is running wild I have found that in Ksenia Anske She is everything a reader could ask for and I’m glad that she uit her day job to devote herself to writingAnske perfects a writing style devoted to beautiful phrases and well crafted words that I cannot believe she didn’t grow up with English as a first language I only wish that I didn’t read so fast so that I could savor the sounds and images Anske creates This is a book well worth listening to as an audiobook if ever the author converted her novels into audiobooks“My saliva is acid syrup My blood is concentrated seawater pumped through my veins by a dead heart My power is my voice and I’m using it—using it plenty Eating my dinner humans served live their souls draped over the garnish of soulless siren It’s supposed to satisfy me but makes me hungrier still as if it’s the last meal I’ll ever eat” Page 31 of book 2The concept of a Siren is not new but the image and voice Ksenia gives to this creature is creative a new spin on the vampirewerewolf genre with their incessant need to feed off of humans Ksenia’s Sirens are not always the beautiful ethereal creatures that call to sailors from the depths of the ocean they personify people and travel on land and water They have powers of oneness with the water not superpowers but a true calling with the natural element What baffles me about the Sirens is how they are not discovered by any other than the Siren Hunters when they presumably have killed so many Sirens feed on souls and Ksenia gives life to the very essence of a person using all her senses so that the reader is enveloped in a short truth of a person their soul No wonder sirens find them so tasty“I try to imagine the sound of his soul to bring back that feeling of home—the clatter of food cooked on the stove the clanking of dishes the shuffling of feet in slippers on a wooden floor laughter the anticipation of a meal birds chirping behind an open window the buzzing of insects basking in rays of the morning sun Vivaldi’s Summer its violins” Page 241 of book 3Ailen is not the perfect character She bugs me at times throughout the books She is moody and stubborn In the first book I’m not even sure I can trust her feelings and I’m not sure she can think clearly about the world but by the second book I’m believing everything she sees and feels I want to sympathize with her so badly that I believe everything When she gets upset at herself for her shortcomings and when she breaks her promises to herself giving in to her weakness I want to tell her that she is not perfect and that is alright I want to give her the words she craves from her father Anske has a knack for creating characters you want to comfort and protectAilen Bright is such a strange troubled character that I held my breath as I wondered what she would do what would happen to her next At times I worried that Ksenia didn’t have a final purpose or point to the book or even a good conclusion because Ailen doesn’t know what is going on or what will happen We are left at the mercy of this poor sad teenager’s unending fantasy nightmare Until the last chapter Anske delivered the only logical conclusion to the story I was disappointed because she tells us over and over throughout the series what will happen and when I’m given the end I can’t help but think it was coming all along even though I wanted something else something different Even as an author myself I couldn’t think of a better conclusion that I would have been satisfied with it just isn’t possible There is only one possible ending and I’m glad Anske delivered it because any other ending would have been terribleThe only major shortcoming was the length of the three novels combined as they only work as parts of a wholeOn a final note this series is based in Seattle and is entirely true to the environment of Seattle and the characteristics including weather one can find in this place and for that I love AnskeI recommend this book for anyone who enjoys the imagination of Neil Gaiman the seduction of a vampire book anything else by Ksenia Anske or a fantasy suicide novel


  9. says:

    Half way through Chapter 14 of Ksenia Anske’s Siren Suicides and I just now decide to make some notes I started it yesterday and only abandoned it to selfishly write my own story Well that’s not entirely true The truth is that after reading her entire blog the articles about reading writing editing marketing – and loving those – I was a bit afraid that I wouldn’t like her actual novel and that I wouldn’t know how to say that appropriately I hate being disappointed in someone’s writing especially after I already like them Before you assume anything this was not the case hereI should have started this document with Chapter 1 but hey it’s never too late right? I‘m doing it now and while I am a nobody as far as writers are concerned I do believe that people are likely to read novels others have read and expressed opinions about My humble opinion is that Ksenia Anske deserves to be read and taken in Let her live on the pages in front of you you can just feel the longing for it and the passion that goes into every turn of phrase So here goes I number ideas because it’s easier for me to keep track of them I apologize to those how find this annoying; also please keep in mind that I don’t have any professional training as far as writing is concerned and some of the points are purely subjective1 I love the idea of turning into a siren and continue some kind of existence when all you want is to die and disappear forever We all seem to have a fascination with what happens after dying I personally love movies dealing with that and many writers have dealt with the topic myself included However the idea of turning into something not dead but not alive either something so beautiful enticing and lethal as sirens is just different to me Taking an old myth and turning it into something this new and current takes I think a lot of talent and guts Ksenia Anske has plenty of both and I don’t doubt that we’ll be seeing that in all her books2 I love the new combinations of nouns and adjectives verbs and adverbs in ways that I have myself considered before but always dismissed as “incorrect” I love that she’s not afraid of that and the end result shows it beautifully I will not point them out there’re too many of them3 I love that the story happens really fast the chapters are all connected you don’t miss any of the action This would make a great movie I can imagine the visual effects involved Plus who wouldn’t want to experience being a siren and have that kind of strength and power even if it’s the result of such a sad decision to end your own life?4 I love how Hunter addresses Ailen and her father with the typically adolescent ‘dude’ The dialogue seems so effortless and flowing as if the writer has multiple personalities and is able to inhabit each one at a time by pure choice and switching between them as fast as the lines switch from one character to another 5 This whole first book somehow reminded me of Perfume by Patrick Suskind where the main character processes his environment through the sense of smell The siren here processes everything through hearing “I can’t hear a single soul” Also I love the way souls ‘sound’ “The first cop his belly jiggling his soul bitter – a mixture of clanking beer bottles and bowling balls ” – each description of a soul gives you the perfect amount of insight into fleeting characters that are only there to make what Ailen experiences all the intense6 I LOOOOVE the sarcasm7 One word sentences I’ve always heardreadlearned that one word sentences are a big no no and thus have always avoided them even when deep down inside I knew they worked I’ve been so focused on all these things that others tell me are wrong that I completely forgot to trust my gut and go with what I feel is right One word sentences just work but I had to see them used by Ksenia Anske to finally accept it completely Thanks8 I love the descriptions of the city I feel like I could take them as directions and follow them to all the places where Ailen goes Beautiful9 I love the subtle insights into the psychological makeup of the characters” “It’s devoid of any clutter with only a few wall shelves on each side holding select tools – my father’s style of keeping everything organized with almost surgical precision” – Ch 18 pp 223 These are all over the book so just go read it yourselfI just finished the first book of the series and I am posting this now because I know these points will apply to the other books as well I find myself completely trapped in the story and need to know how it continues Ailen’s struggle with the lack of love from her father and the doubts related to her mother is so vivid and you can’t help but wonder if she will ever get the answers she’s looking for I don’t need to read the other two books to recommend this to others Please go to wwwkseniaanskecom and get the books You will only understand what I’m talking about after you read them yourself PS I will update this post after I read the other two Can’t wait although I will have to because there are people here mowing our lawn there’s cleaning to be done uugghh and someone at school needs my help with a report


  10. says:

    I can't give this book anything less than three stars because at times I was blown away During the first uarter of the book when the MC attempts and commits suicide I was immersed in this book This introduction wasn't shock value It was a well written emotionally potent and complex opening that I really connected with There were some additional moments in the body of the book that were written just as well and these scenes indicate that this book could have been amazing If it had the time to breathe I know how this story was created I have been following it on Twitter Six drafts were done in a year and a half of this 3 book series And I love her dedication But her later drafts would have been effective if there was a long period of time between drafts like I am talking at least a year For the author to mature and grow and learn how to avoid all the writing errors that make it really obvious that this book is someone's first book There is no point in making a long list of every error that is in this book besides battering the author so I will only mention a few things to explain my point One thing that really pulled me out of the story was the MC knowing information without having to work to gain that information in anyway For example she knows how her siren powers and body works without anyone telling her She knows what is going on in other character's heads without them expressing it She just knows She also just knows that everything negativeevil about her is her siren inside of her even though there is no reason at all for her to be blackwhite like that There are a LOT of selfish and reckless things to say about the MC I really don't believe that all of this is because she is a siren and she was perfectly good before Another thing that jerked me out of the story was the writing style At times there were paragraphs of purple prose that really added nothing but flowery language to the story That should have been cut At other times there were paragraphs of technical telling especially in regards to emotions of characters that also should have been cut Before I close off with a last complaint I will admit that though the story seemed to be directionless at times it did consistently have a high level of conflict which kept it interesting and fun to read Okay this book did teach me that when discussing my own writing I shouldn't talk about my themes and let my readers infer it If the author didn't give her main reason for writing this book to discourage teen suicide then I wouldn't have the complaint about it But because she did I now have to judge wether she succeeded or not I say that she didn't For a book written to discourage teens for killing herself the MC's life really is a lot better now that she is living dead killed herself If the MC was remorseful for her life and she dealt with a plot of being uncomfortable with nothingness and isolation than that would be a book that discourages teen suicide But really killing herself was the best thing she did for herself at least so far I understand that it created a romantic disconnect from her human love interest also v Twilight but now she has that siren family she always wanted So I wouldn't really say it succeeded thematically though it talked about the painful process of death in a couple of scenes that were very gruesome and discouraging to a point In conclusion though I said all of this I do plan on reading the next book Yes #1 was sub par but creative There were elements to sirenhood that was uniue and captivating in comparison to other fantasy books So I believe the unanswered uestions can have some really uniue answers that I want to find out